(47 replies, posted in Life)

Ha ha..

We're at work.. we don't have a sink for washing up, so we don't have plates. Or knives... one half is for me and one for my partner.. when the two halves are bagged up separately, he gets his, I get mine. We tear open the bag, stick a load of peri peri on the side or flaming hot cajun and tuck in.. when I get back with a full chicken in one bag it absolutely ruins the lunch experience and this is what I will say to asda. smile

They advertise in the display halves of chicken at £3.25 .. a full chicken is £5.95.. I could save 55p a day and a load of hassle but will I fuckerslike... they don't have a separate rotisserie spinning round with half fuckin chickens in.. they have the whole water infested bird there.  When the little tray where the halves live runs out, they cut the whole chickens up.

If I go in a butcher's and ask for slices of meat I can ask which end I want slicing, I pick which fuckin sausage roll I want and what coloured fuckin egg. And for the last 18 months in asda Keighley the normal fella behind the counter and the two younger girls who work there have been mint.. service with a smile.. this manky cunt will not win with me.  I will win the chicken war without a fuckin bastard doubt


(47 replies, posted in Life)


Don't they know who I fuckin am??


(2,653 replies, posted in Life)

Reggie Perrin wrote:
Ray Hankin's shorts wrote:
Reggie Perrin wrote:

I think the BBC should shun all top level sports now (other than reporting on it and it's embarrassing that they routinely lose stuff anyway) and concentrate on sports they can build a fan base in and bring back Grandstand on BBC4 all day Saturday.

Hockey is a good one, it's a great game, it's national, it would be cheap.    Also stuff like motorcross, rallycross, athletics, crosscountry, swimming, diving, Formula E, Nascar, Baseball, Ice Hockey, Championship RL, revive the Soccer Six stuff, sidecar racing, truck racing, BDO darts, skateboarding, gymnastics, shooting, archery.  Sports lovers would get into it.  Bring Superstars back too.  I'd watch it all just for the Grandstand and Superstars themes.

The channels seem to fight over the same things and people are getting pissed off with the corporate nature of it all, there is a market for pure honest sport.  The BBC should change tack.

That's a great shout Reg

Although SKY is popular due to the major sports it still gets a relatively low viewing figure - most people have access to BBC4 and it'd be a great fillip to some of the 'lesser' sports

If they did this it would restore my faith in them as a broadcaster to a certain degree. It could be paid for by sacking off the world cup and trimming down the Olympics coverage.  They've lost The Open and will lose Wimbledon soon so they have to have a strategy.

Another thing is that they have such great iconic show of TV history such as TOTP and The Old Grey Whistle Test and they don't use them, they try and reinvent the wheel.  In doing that all you do is get muddled formats.  The format isn't the problem its their choice of "presenter" over "enthusiast" and to some regard play safe.  It's what killed the NME, we want writers with things to say about interesting bands, not a rag full of record company press releases.

Why do Mark Kermode, Tom Brooks and/or Jason Solomons have a version of Film 2018?  Why don't Stuart Maconie and Mark Radcliffe have TOGWT with half an hour of archive and half an hour of new bands?  A whole year would cost less than the indulgent coverage of Glastonbury costs.

Finally why isn't iPlayer more of a database of all shows that they have ever made that can be accessed with a valid TV License and charged for abroad? There is loads of old stuff I'd love to watch.  If you search for Play for Today which ran from 1970 to 1984 you can't find it and some fucker has also blocked the ones that were put on You Tube.

Abso fuckin lutely.. I said it for so long and then I just gave up dreaming. Great suggestions for the shows reg


(232 replies, posted in Life)

Can I watch?

I like Zoe ball too.. never sensed she was insincere

Lisa tarbuck however.. nah



(47 replies, posted in Life)

Reggie Perrin wrote:

Good name for a band.......Rotisserie Skank.  I'm imagining a dub and blue grass influenced outfit.

I have a mate who's music taste at 54 is that of a late twenties female with three kids and no partner..

Me and my pal were off to see hookworms... a couple of texts came my way asking if I was playing out that night.. so I replied I was at a gig watching hookworms. In translation after a couple of calls between other mates, the band name changed.

The night after in the pub, my friend Alex asked who the upside down penquins were and did I enjoy the gig?..

Upside down penquins? Who the fuck are they? I saw hookworms..

Stuart told me you and col had gone to see the upside down penquins..

Anyway.. that's a good name for a band eh?


(718 replies, posted in Life)





(47 replies, posted in Life)

Pork, yes
Cold lamb, yes
Liver, no

If I organised a field trip... and you all went to the Keighley counter and looked at the subject behind the counter... I reckon you'd see what I'm up against... this thing behind there represents a large portion of the UK population right now.


(47 replies, posted in Life)

CBIT wrote:

Lets bring it down a level or two

Fuckin jcc is fuckin bang fuckin on


(47 replies, posted in Life)

I like how your dad operated space.  If I was less tired all the time and not always in a rush I would probably adopt the same strategy. .. my partner who has the other half of the chicken has tried similar.. he's said to her stuff like, summers on its way, giz a big smile etc, buy he's not had one yet.

We do alternate days of buying, so I'll get him to be all nicey nicey and I'll stick at what I'm doing.. see if he defrosts her.


(47 replies, posted in Life)

I'm going to shit in my hand and throw it at her drawn, sallow, miserable, repulsive face the way this is going..then follow her home and piss through the letterbox..not that she'd probably notice the smell.. the whiff of her used knickers in the laundry basket should cover that


(47 replies, posted in Life)

Part two..

Goes in today.. same skinny skanky cunt behind the counter..

There were four whole chickens and NO PRE cut halves.

Can I have two halves of extra tasty chicken please..


I said two halves of extra tasty chicken please.

So she silently gets out the chicken , cuts it in two and starts putting it in two boxes.

I'm only cutting this chicken up because there are no halves in the display

And your point is?

The point is that if there were any cut chickens available then I wouldn't be cutting this one because we're not allowed to

Why don't you like working at the hot counter?


Why do you do a job that you don't like and not do your job properly? Two halves of chicken are 55p more than a full one.. that covers you cutting up my chicken of choice

No it doesn't

So if I look at what's on offer and I don't like it so ask for what I do like, you as a reoresentive of asda will say no

Yeah.. we're not allowed to cut the chickens up if halves are available.

We'll see about that next time I come in eh

Thus is developing in to a full blown chicken war


(11 replies, posted in Life)

I grew up in pubs, seen it all

I've worked with people who were pissed all day and I never even knew. And not just in pubs, in sales jobs too. I knew people who drank 20 pints a day and you couldn't tell they had one . One of my best mates got sacked the other year and they found vodka bottles stashed all over. You'd never have known It.. when I'm pissed, I look pissed and I am pissed... some people don't.. they hide it.. and they hide it so such an extent that they function.. don't understand how no one gets that.. they blow massively over because they have a problem but they hide it and function.. are they gonna say they can't drive the car when they've just told you they've not had a drink? When they can't admit to themselves they won't come out to you.. it's not always obvious.  It's not the pissed up annoying cunt in the corner...

It's never right to drink and drive .. it's also great to be so rational around the irrational..

Too much the night before? Little drink when he woke to put the bubble straight? Who knows.. either way I reckon he's said he's alright when he's not. Unfortunately someone suffers but luckily no one's been properly physically hurt.


(11 replies, posted in Life)

placidcasual wrote:

If I could just interject...

Id go gay to have a go on Kirsty Gallaghers balloon knot!

As you were men.

Count me in.. I'd drive there pissed out me head too on a promise

Who are they?

Never liked tumbling dice.. in fact I hate tumbling dice... it's not waiting on a friend.. but not much is.. very hit and miss band in the eighties and on.. but undercover of the night and waiting on a friend are classic stones

Toronto Ted wrote:

all time great song that and played this very afternoon by guy garvey.. not a live show either, recorded in Canada by coincidence.

I've had a lovely afternoon listening to the radio

Miranda Sawyer interviewing paddy considine and playing tracks was top radio and guy garveys show was pure class


(412 replies, posted in Wardrobe Department)

king of the slums wrote:

Fred Perry reissue raglan knitted polo, had it for at least 2 years, but looked a bit tight, not a bad polo to be honest..


Great polo


(2 replies, posted in Place Your Bets)

I've got

Tenner win on anibale fly

Fiver each way on

I just know
Shantou flyer

What are we all wearing?

I want everyone to post in the what are you wearing thread on gig day so I can spot you


(47 replies, posted in Life)

Asda Keighley today at the chicken/sausage/pigs trotter counter..

Horrible looking blonde haired, skinny, mangy looking thing serving on.

I wanted two halves of extra tasty chicken. There were two already cut in half and four whole chickens on sale. The two halves were pale, insipid looking and not how I like my chicken. The whole chickens were crispy and just how I like them.

Me : can I have two halves of extra tasty chicken please.. but will you cut me up one of the whole chickens .

Skanky cunt: why?

Because I like my chicken crispy and I don't like the look of the two halves on offer

No I can't do that


I'm not allowed to

I have chickens cut in half here nearly every day

No, we can't do that

You do it every day nearly..  Will you please cut me another chicken in half.

No I'm not allowed.

Ok. So you have a sign that says half a chicken is £3.25. If someone comes along and bits these two horrible looking things where do you get the replacement halves from? I presume you'll cut up a chicken then?


Well can you speculate that you might sell these two halves seeing as it's dinner time and cut me a full chicken of my choice up now

No, I'm not allowed

Ok.. can I have four halves of chicken then please and will you cut me that one up there

No, you said you wanted two, you're just saying it.

I want four halves of chicken and what I do with other two has nothing to do with you does it. So can I have four halves of chicken now please

So she scowls like the cunt she is and hissed and looked at me while cutting up the chicken.. passed me all four and I put the shitty two breasts in the for sale section.  When she objected I said my first though was to take them out the bags and throw them at her.

The country is fucked.. I keep telling ya


(36 replies, posted in Match Reports)

For some bizarre reason I'm finding it Funny that we're shit.

I had to go to a 50th birthday party in Manc land on Saturday.  Full of em all pumped up after their big win. Introduced to everyone by our lass.   Yes I'm a Leeds fan, yes we're shit but I still despise your club.. and we invented hooliganism so fuck off.


(93 replies, posted in Life)

Reggie Perrin wrote:

We've bought a caravan partly to get the kids away from all their electronics and have some outdoor life.

We sell motorhomes. The majority of people who buy them are retired or semi retired.. they set off all over in them, exploring lots of places.  Go where they want, when they want.  Generally very happy people


(40 replies, posted in Gigs)

Odd Job wrote:
hendersonjones wrote:
scootay wrote:

Odd jobs was Saturday 7th HJ.. I couldn't go had a fiftieth birthday in Manchester

Think he’s got something lined up for next month

Sat 26 May - Professor Yaffle, Nick Ellis and our very own Roy (the poster previously known as Jakey). All for a £5, bargain!

Fuckin hell that's a good do O.J...  I'll have to make that

I've also got

Aiden moffat and rm hibbert
Psycho comedy
Live at Leeds
Freya ridings
Bill Ryder Jones
Bingley music live
Wooden shjips

Been my quietest year for a decade gig wise.. I'm blaming the long winter.. just simply haven't been arsed


(40 replies, posted in Gigs)

hendersonjones wrote:

Red elastics , the the , China crisis and oddjobs next promotion

Odd jobs was Saturday 7th HJ.. I couldn't go had a fiftieth birthday in Manchester


(8 replies, posted in Life)

It's what's app vids.. and it's best mates and family who send them. Even though I've told em not to. I don't open them when I see what the content looks like it's gonna be...but I get caught out sometimes..  like a video of a nice pair of lipstick lesbians getting down to it and then it'll switch to someone getting beheaded.. there's shit loads doing the rounds