Topic: All good things come to an end

So my mum is terminal with cancer . She’s beaten in twice, once in the seventies when it was pretty much a death sentence.  Both breasts off one then one more recently. She blew a height valve in 2007 and should not really have survived that. True to form she rallied against the odds after a couple of days at which point the consultant said to her

“We can operate but there’s a good chance the operation will kill you”

“What will happen if you don’t?”

“you’ll die anyway”

“well you’d best bloody well get on with it then.”


My wife who was born in 1973 was somewhat wide eyed and awestruck a couple of years ago as my mum talked about going down to the Anderson shelter at the house in Pudsey as the ack ack went up from Rawdon billing. There was a Lancaster factory at Yeadon that was the focus of some attention by the Luftwaffe.

She was born of a kindly father, a watchmaker who was reserved occupation in WW2. He tried volunteering for all three services in 1939 but was turned down by all as his name was on a list. His big thing was making the glider cast offs for the D Day landings something that required precision engineering. I believe the fact that his war service did not involve him being shot at troubled him though.

My Grandmother had some sort of breakdown in the 1920’s. She’d been a flapper or what passed for a flapper in Leeds and had be engaged to someone of wealthy bloke  who moved to America when his entreaties towards marriage were refused. What went on in her mind was unfathomable though I know she loved her husband Ronnie and was bereft without him. She was not a good mother however and the family doctor advised my own mum to move away from home when she was 18 as he would not be responsible for the consequences should she stay.

My mum ran away to teacher training college and found a vocation. She became consumed with the need to cram knowledge, learning and skill into young minds. As she approaches death former pupils who have not been in her charge for forty years or more still write to her. Some who went to Oxbridge tell her they owe it all to the grounding she gave them. I am now and always have been very proud of her and wish only that I had been a better son.

To define this in terms of perspective my mum was teaching music in secondary schools in the 1950’s to classrooms festooned with Teddy Boys who’d been sown into their drain pipe trouser by their mothers that morning. Much as she is very Enid Blyton in outlook, she’s a tough edge as well as many have found to their cost. Not Least Bernard Atha, former leader of Leeds City Council. It looks like she’ll beat him to Saint Peters desk which should have Atha concerned as once my mum has had a word he might not get in.

I shall miss her and the world will be poorer for her passing

Fascista, Communista, Tory Boy or Labourista, come and view the whole damn vista, om pom push

Share

Re: All good things come to an end

Touching .

My mother is 80 on Saturday. I've seen a big deterioration on her in the last couple of years. On reflection she has lived with bouts of depression for at least 40 years.

More recently she fell in the shower and cut her leg but refused to have it seen to and she developed cellulitus which has left her with huge ankles!!! Coupled with that she has had a balance problem, some sort of tinnitus which is her main ailment and makes her doddle along.

I find myself being angry at her. She has been to the GP who, to be honest, is doing fuck all. I want her referred to a specialist. I am getting increasingly frustrated and annoyed with her and she goes on the defensive saying I'm picking on her. NO! I can see her popping her clogs in the next couple of years when, with the proper treatment, she has got 10-15 years left (avoiding stuff like the big C of course).

'I could have been someone'
"Well so could anyone"

Share

Re: All good things come to an end

I think Heyho it gets to a point where the man in the cloak beckons and it is almost a relief. My own experiences have left me in constant physical discomfort now for five and a half years and sometimes death seems such a sweet embrace. The love of my wife keeps me hanging around, that and occasionally railing against something on here or elsewhere.

With your mum and the NHS it's a door kicking exercise. My sister in law is a former casualty sister. when I met her in the the 90's she was replete with piss and vinegar about Tory cuts, these day she just thinks they are all a bunch of cunts and god help the management if she gets hold of firearms...

My own experiences with the NHS in the UK have been I'd say 70% bad 30% good, the 30% I got by making a fuss.

Fascista, Communista, Tory Boy or Labourista, come and view the whole damn vista, om pom push

Share

Re: All good things come to an end

I get frustrated when there are sadly terminal cases like in your case and others, like my mother who could be helped.

I work in the NHS so can open a few doors as to which clinician she can go see (not jumping the queue) but I can't until that GP sorts out that all important referral letter.

The problem with the NHS is that it is run by people who have always been in the NHS and have been on all the courses that have been written by the NHS. Why employ one person, get five in instead.

'I could have been someone'
"Well so could anyone"

Share

Re: All good things come to an end

In my mums case its her choice H.  They could keep here going longer with chemo but she knows what thet entails physical degradation and she's chosen to go sooner rather than later, with her hair and some spit and vinegar which is how she's lived her life. I remain immensely proud off her.

I hope your mum catches a break.

Fascista, Communista, Tory Boy or Labourista, come and view the whole damn vista, om pom push

Share

Re: All good things come to an end

My old Mum died in 2012 aged 83. She was a hard as nails former weaver - worked down Kirkstall Road - and typified the Northern Matriarch to a tee. Thankfully, she didn't suffer much at the end - sudden onset of heart failure which took about 20 mins from onset to finish.
Christmas hasn't been too good, for me and her grandkids, particularly, for the last couple of years as we seriously miss her. Hopefully this one will be a bit better and I'll not get pissed and maudlin.

The insurgency began.................and you missed it.

Share

Re: All good things come to an end

Sorry to hear this mate.

Sounds like a trooper but can't be easy.

Thoughts going out to you.

A simple city boy with wild grown country tastes

Share

Re: All good things come to an end

A life certainly to be proud of, not so many can say that. My thoughts are indeed with you at this time.

BTW. I am over in HK in Jan for 3 days, so if you fancy a pint? Ping me a PM if you are around.

'When you become a grown up, people stop asking you what your favourite dinosaur is....They don't even care.'

Share

Re: All good things come to an end

Sorry to hear your news AHH, my thoughts as I imagine most of those on here are with you, and like many on here have lost a parent to cancer.

Take off hosers ...

Share

Re: All good things come to an end

How much you miss someone is a pretty good measure of how much you loved them. Take comfort in the good stuff and celebrate her life. And for God's sake tell her how fucking proud you are of her and give her some big fucking hugs. My Mam goes mad with me for holding her hand. I do not give a fuck I keep hold. I know deep down she loves it. And Heyho do whatever it takes to get her to get sorted. Grandkids? Tell her they'd like to have Grandma round a little longer. Find a way.

Share

Re: All good things come to an end

Many thanks for all the kind words, going over in January to spend some time with her. I wish health and prosperity to you and yours.

Fascista, Communista, Tory Boy or Labourista, come and view the whole damn vista, om pom push

Share

Re: All good things come to an end

Mum's can be very special or fuck you up for life. It's indelible either way. You got lucky. I hope you get as much time with her as you can.

"Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy."

Re: All good things come to an end

Thanks Mol, she's been special too a lot. Auntie sheila to dozens of kids, many who still address here as such in their forties and fifties. I have no relationship and little contact with either my brother or my dad who are frankly, twats. Me and Mrs AHH don't have kids so once she's gone the nearest is just the wife. Feeling a little alone all of a sudden. This is probably selfish but it is akin to the fear of being a small buy again when you've lost you mum's hand down the market and couldn't see her through the crowd.

Fascista, Communista, Tory Boy or Labourista, come and view the whole damn vista, om pom push

Share

Re: All good things come to an end

All the best to you both. Sounds like a wonderful woman.

Snatching misery from the jaws of glory since, ooooooh, 1973?

Share

Re: All good things come to an end

The only thing about a drawn out death is that allows everyone to make their peace or say what they should have said already. But how the person dying deals with the fact is crucial. I've been very lucky in that all mine were superstars in how they dealt with their own end. I hope I have the same bollocks when my time comes.

And you never stop missing them, just the pain loses colour and you remember the good bits.

Albert, get your arse back and be there for her. There's no second chance. I was luckily as I got sacked and paid off just as my old fella got towards his end. I had 4 months of being there. Not enough, but at least we said all we had to say and doing the mundane is so important as when they start physically falling apart they need dignity and someone who cares.

"In the end, society is defined not only by what we create, but also by what we refuse to destroy."

Share

Re: All good things come to an end

And you never stop missing them, just the pain loses colour and you remember the good bits.

Beautifully put and totally true.

Share

Re: All good things come to an end

my mother passed away very quickly and she was far too young at 48 , a brain emirage took her instanly almost 20yrs ago , to say i miss her is an understatement i think of her at some point every day , she still makes me smile while i listen to certain music its a personal thing but it means the world to me .

I'm just a symptom of the moral decay thats gnawing at the heart of the country

Share