This isn't that Christmassy but we need a thread starting anyway so it can go in here.

Works do last night, enjoyed it more than I thought I would - Revolucion de Cuba, all paid for, ice buckets of Moretti just kept arriving, cocktails, tapas type nosh. I only went semi-berserk. Afterwards, our token gay lad took a few of us to Blayds which is a decent bar, drag queen DJ, good fun.

Left there at about 1am to go home. Started walking for ages. Got to about where The Britannia used to be in Holbeck and this, well, creature crossed the road over to me whilst jabbering on in some Eastern European lingo. She had a disappointing pair of light stretchy leggings and a limp. She held a fag in one hand and with the other carried out the international sign for a blow job. At this point I noticed she had no teeth whatsoever and bore a striking resemblance to Alan Biley. I politely declined her request and as she waddled away noticed an uncomfortable stain around her rear end.

I must have gone maybe fifty yards and another horror appeared. This one looked older than me and must have been four foot in all directions. She reminded me of upside down space hopper in a satin bomber jacket with a Mick McManus haircut. She had a few more teeth than the other one and her sales technique cut straight to the point but it was a no from me.

Soon after the second encounter I flagged down a taxi. Nice bloke, not into football at all but liked watching Brazilian mixed martial arts. 'What time you onto then?' I gave him a tip. He was on 'til 5.