I’ve almost completed my first month permanently living on my own. It’s not been a big change really as I’ve spent most of the last two years working away and living almost full time in a flat in Derby.
It’s been a frantic four weeks from moving into a brand new house with very few belongings through to sat here listening to my sister’s old U2 vinyl enjoying my first real peaceful day in my home. Keep yourself occupied has been the advice from well-meaning advisors. I’ve never been so bloody busy in my life. Every task so far has involved multiple trips to Screwfix to buy the specialist tools demonstrated on YouTube and occasional calls to my old man who remains convinced that it is possible to completely destroy a modern house just by drilling a small hole ⅛ inch out of position. I’m reasonably chuffed with the DIY stuff I’ve done so far and happy to call in an expert for jobs that could result in injury or extra expense. I have managed to almost entirely avoid DIY for 51 years up to now.
I’ve remained patient throughout the extended moving out / moving in period which has taken around 4 months in total. I have kept a few key thoughts in mind for when I need a kick up the arse. I had a very long list of sound reasons for moving on. I also imagined the relief of the first night in the house when all I would need was the stereo, a bottle of Balvenie and positive thoughts. A bonus was that my youngest daughter helped me on the day I moved in a was happy to crash over on the sofa that first night. She’s been an incredible help to me both physically helping out and just by wanting to spend time with me. All whilst finishing off her A-levels and getting her Uni place sorted.
Each day seems to have provided small but significant milestones. Getting the washing machine plumbed in after a couple of weeks taking my pants to the lovely ladies at WashemPress in Selby was more satisfying than I could ever imagine.
I miss the dog and I’m concerned about how my relationship with my eldest daughter will work out. I’m hoping that custody of the dog will be shared to some extent and she’ll enjoy new places to charge around. Getting things right with the daughter will be a long term challenge that I will never give up on.
The end of a 20 year marriage is a strange business. Even though we’ve not been right for most of the last 10 years I really struggled with the idea of the most important person that has ever been in my life probably not being part of it in the future. I struggled with this for far too long and came to the conclusion a long time ago that we made each other so unhappy that we had to consider the previously unthinkable option of separating permanently. I wish her happiness in the future in whatever she does. There’s so many loose ends to sort out, but for now we can just get used to not being around each other and then sort out the messy business of dividing the assets of 20 years of grafting by both of us.
There have been many positives already this month. I am much more relaxed and feel under no pressure with anything I do. If shit goes wrong it only impacts me and the shrugging of shoulders and a silent “What’s the worst that can happen?” helps me move on. The local pub is the best local pub I’ve ever had, I’ve moved closer to an extended group of mates and I’m already being much more sociable. The neighbour on one side is friendly and has been very helpful with lending stuff when I’m stuck. The 7 houses on the other side all move in this weekend, so it’s going to be bedlam. My immediate neighbours are a young couple and have already been round to meet me and we went off to the pub and they seem great. Looking forward to getting to know the others. I could get used to being sociable….
The other benefit is that I’ve been so engrossed in domestic matters that I’ve lost track of what’s going on in the world. Did we get promoted? Are we still in the EU? Has Trump been assassinated yet?
If you’re still reading this…thank you, it was meant to be a quick update. If anyone else has bene through this, I’m always happy to benefit from wise words…. just don’t tell me to keep busy.