OK, let’s break this down:
1) Not sure why I am posting this. Or calling it mental elf.
2) Things have been bubbling under the surface for 4-5years. I know what have been the trigger points & when my anger started. It sort of runs in the family but 2 events in 2018 started mine.
3) A few things have happened from there on, nothing big just a steady trickle. Then obviously lock down. It carried on brewing & so did I carry on all through it & never stopped.
4) The shit in government just added to it.
5) Then other stuff carried on.
6) Anyway back from holiday, bang straight back into it.
7) I have tried music, keeps a lid on it, concerts, for a moment nothing else matters.
8) Then this financial shit has blown my head, which caused an argument with my partner when I said I was going to spend £500 on a coat. I think it was just a symbolic thing?
9) Fuck knows but whatever it is it doesn’t add up.
10) Sorry for bearing all but this is easy compared to telling my partner who has just broken down in tears & left the house.
Re 1) = You call it mental elf because men see it as weak to talk about mental health. Though you’ve done absolutely the right thing here lad. Your mind is not a bone, or a muscle, or a tendon, it’s an intangible thing, a complex thing, not something you can point to, or draw, or describe in any way. It’s a collection of thoughts, feelings and behaviours that get jammed up and need attention.
Re 2) = Can I first of all ask of how your relationship with your partner is? Are there aspects of your relationship that have brought you disappointment? Attitudes to things, responses to things? Things that you have let pass, but you haven’t really?
Re 3) = Are you describing a tit for tat state of affairs here, which were amplified because of how lockdown shackled you?
Re 4) = Fuck the government lad, if it was a labour government, they’d disappoint you too. You’re just hearing about the tories more. Stop doom scrolling, switch things off and concentrate on things you can affect, not how the government affects you.
Re 5) = What is this ‘other stuff’? Things from the past that are unresolved?
Re 6) = So being away from home/work changes your feelings about things, but as soon as you are back they start again?
Re 7) = Is the music and gig going a solitary thing for you, or do you do these two things with others?
Re 8) = Is the financial shit hitting you now, or are you scared of how it might be? Regarding the thought of you spending £500 on a coat, is that you exercising some power? It’s your money and you can do what you want with it?
Re 9) = Do the five ’why’s UTG. Think of something that is unsettling you and then ask yourself why. You will get an answer of sorts. Then ask yourself why again, until you drill down to what it really is that is upsetting you.
Re 10) = Don’t worry about doing this, the putting it on here, you must have thought you would get some help from it. Is your missus back now?