CBIT A woman who thought she had eaten a raw onion was rushed to hospital early this morning as she had eaten a poisonous daffodil bulb. A spokesperson for the hospital said she was doing fine and should be out for the spring...
90Piesanhour Joke told to me today by a 91-year old Yorkshire lady over the phone: ‘How many condoms can you fit in a tyre? ‘365, in a Goodyear!’
CBIT Did you hear about the man that swallowed some scrabble tiles…. He is now complaining that he’s got severe vowel movement.
Harvest Just heard there's a farmer up the road selling geese. Might pop down in a bit and take a gander.
Chopper_Read I was standing next to a bloke the other day and he started jumping up and down. Are you alright I asked. He said sorry I've just got a frog in my throat.
otis When women get to a certain age they start accumulating cats. Thus is known as the many paws. I'll fuck off for rest of day
Harvest Just won the world record for hanging out the most washing on a line in ten minutes. I'll be honest, it's a lot to take in.
cordshoes I went to the doc's, parked up and the attendant shouted, "You can't park there, it's for badge holders only". I said "That's why I'm here, my bad shoulder
Harvest I was recently in a restaurant and ordered octopus. The waiter said, 'Ok but it'll take four hours.' 'Really? How come?' 'He keeps turning the gas off.'
MolOverBeethoven My last girlfriend used to eat plants and was obsessed with Edwyn Collins. I’d never met a girl like herbivore.
Loose_Lips AndreWeimaraner Me too. I had a posh new one with longer slatty holes. Needed old fashioned circles. Someone pointed that out to me. Watched it with a NEIPA from the Whitby brewery.