Cooley This bird with long legs and a massive beak keeps following me home from work. I think I’m being storked.
Anchor A man was admitted to hospital yesterday after it was found he had inserted 25 plastic horse into his rectum. His condition is desribed as stable.
Anchor I've been going to gamblers anonymous for three years now - my mate Dave only lasted two and a half. So I won that one.
Anchor Dave drowned. At the funeral I got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. It's what he would have wanted.
90Piesanhour I slipped on some soap in the bathroom today. I called the doctor, who said 'that's Lifebouy.'
Harvest My doctor asked me to strip off. 'Where shall I put my clothes?' He pointed, 'Over there if you like, on top of mine'.
Cooley I’ve fallen out with my neighbour. He reckons his front door bell is better than mine, but I disagree. We had a right ding-dong about it.
Under-the-ground Did you hear about the plane that got in to trouble out of Dublin airport . Air traffic control said to the pilot what is your height & position. The pilot answered I am 5ft 9 and sat in the front.
Anchor My grandad is trying to keep up with new technology - he sent me a text the other day saying he'd had a stroke and his head was hanging to one side. LOL